Regret leaving husband for another man
But that doesn't mean it's not confusing, emotion, and at times, terrible. Divorce tends to bring out the worst in all parties involved. Think: screaming, crying, and prolonged custody battles over your goldfish. And it's not uncommon for women to look back with a few regrets about who the whole split went down.
Hey, it happens to the best of us. I had been traveling in Asia with my husband and writing about it for my websiteand after the divorce, I moved back to Los Angeles to start fresh. I felt like a failure and I was so sad. I joked to friends that I lived in Sucksville and it seemed like those feelings would never change or end. I felt shattered. I read Supersurvivors and it really resonated with me, and helped me realize I needed to forgive myself and stop fantasizing about changing the past.
My favorite passage reads:. But then I met someone who was interested in starting a family and pursuing the same lifestyle as me, and everything just clicked. I ended up moving from Colorado to North Carolina to live with her. My very valid reasons for divorce were completely shrouded by her pain of being replaced so quickly. I regret that I hurt her and left so quickly for someone else.
He pursued me for nine solid years.
Do Men Who Leave Their Family Regret It?
We had a great friendship and I could talk to him about anything. We started dating when I turned 23, and got engaged, married and had our amazing son shortly after. We got divorced after about eight years. Even though we have a child together, we have not spoken to each other since May of We have so much history. I understand we are not compatible but I hate the fact that we threw away a strong history and friendship. We relocated to the U.
When it was clear we were never going to move back, I initiated a divorce. My husband threatened to take away my opportunity for citizenship, which I needed so that even if I left, I could still see my children if they stayed in the U. It was a long and grueling process, but we got through it. My ex-husband cheated on me with multiple women, and there was no going back for me once I found out. He tried to repair it and I responded with extreme disdain.
We drove the knife deeper into our hearts. If there had been some documentation of the assets I brought into it, I think I could have limited some of those losses. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Getty Images. Here's what five women would change about their big breakups: 'I wish I'd been kinder to myself'.
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Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us, it sounds like you are going through alot at the moment and I really feel for you. It must be hard and you have a child together as well. Can I ask if you are still interested in the man that you are with? There must have been a reason that you wanted to find someone else, I guess if it even matters, you could ask yourself why. It would be good if you could see your GP and talk over this, or get a referral and physical check.
Maybe speaking to someone in a non judgemental capacity with some strategies might help you to make peace with some of this. If I know one thing in life I don't know much especially about relationships but i know that until you find peace within yourself you can't really do much else.
Maybe he is happy or maybe he just resigned himself to the fact that he had to move on? What do you think. Do you think in your heart of hearts you want him or is it because he has now moved on you feel you might have wanted him? It is complex but I think with support and some guidance you will get through this and learn from it. At least you still have someone: Just know you are not alone, you can always call us on 22 or chat online and let us know how you are going.
Make sure you take care of yourself through this difficult time, love can be complicated. Best Wishes Nikkir x. Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones. You are currently: Home Get support Online forums.
The biggest regret of my life
Online forums Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile Complete your profile. Cancel The title field is required! I don't know what to do.I feel so guilty for leaving my marriage.
My husband is a really, really nice guy. He is a great dad, loves me a lot, has a good career. There was nothing really wrong with our marriage. Now, our divorce is almost finalized, and we have all been so devastated — especially our kids. Now they have to schlep back and forth between two homes, go through the pain of having divorced parents, my ex is devastated, his parents and our friends are devastated, and we are both poorer having to support two homes. Of course I am very sad about all of this, but I just could not be married to him any more.
I stopped being sexually attracted to him years ago, even though he is still a very handsome and fit man. These are men who jibe with my own growing social circle of equally driven and creative people — people who my husband never really connected with or felt comfortable around even though, in all his decency and devotion to me, was always kind to and made an effort for.
I don't have any commitment to any of these men, but simply feeling that way around them made me realize that by staying in my marriage. I am missing out on something I deeply crave and long to nurture. Now, on the other side of my marriage, I see that I may not ever find that kind of romantic connection that I crave, and I may be lonely.
I see those I love most suffering because of this decision, and I am left feeling selfish, guilty and all-around rotten. Can't decide whether or not to leave him? Struggling with horrible guilt after filing for divorce? Consider online therapy platforms.
Choose from thousands of licensed and certified counselors for yourself or your teen they also have couples counseling. I have heard many similar stories, all of which resonate on some level. I am glad I am not married to my ex, even if he is a good guy. Lots and lots of reasons, including some mentioned above by my emailer.
But there are times when we are getting along, when we are chatting like old friends at the kids' T-ball game, the kids are exhausted from schlepping back and forth between our apartments, I remember all his good qualities and all the benefits of marriage, and I think:. Can't we just be adults and make it work? Can't we just agree not to fight any more? Then he will blame me for my kid tripping in the hallway of my apartment and getting a bloody boo-boo on his head, or cancel a visit with the kids last-minute because he wants to see a concert and all those cozy notions are thrown out the window quicker than a Las Vegas divorce.
Maybe it means I'm selfish. Maybe it means I can't control my anger. Maybe it means I am an indulgent adolescent artist, but I don't want to be married to my ex-husband so I am not married to my ex-husband. Also: I just don't want to be married to him. All these feelings are totally normal, even if they are conflicting. Sit with them all, and feel them all.
They are all part of the grieving and healing and celebrating process that is a breakup or divorce. Going through a divorce now? What to ask for in negotiations, so you land on your feet. However, I see women get stuck on the divorce that they very much wanted and see the value in. Explicitly or implicitly, they feel guilty and that guilt holds them back?
Again, all of this is normal. Work through your rotten feelings, and understand where they come from.It's that time of year again. For regrets, resolving to do better next time, and making mends where amends need making. For many divorcees, the old wounds may have finally healed over enough to set foot out into the world again. If you fall into the group of middle-aged "left" ones like me, it can be a particularly daunting undertaking.
It's a natural salve to reflect on a time when the pickings weren't so slim--to the heartthrob who got away or college days when the traits that make the top of my wish list now --kind, loyal, handy with a screwdriver--weren't the ones that made it then. Contemplating the roads passed up can be a bittersweet task, too, especially when you realize that the ones who seemed too easy to catch back then, who'd be quite the catch now, are undoubtedly already caught. Like one long-lost college love of mine named John who sealed my mother's approval when he leaned over her shoulder, oohing and ahhing while she stood at the stove stirring her spaghetti sauce.
And kind, loyal Lenny who showed up at my dorm door with flowers in his hand and a song--literally--on his lips. But I have no regrets. My college beaus did not have the genes to make either of my two daughters, and our courtships were brief.
Still, the painful aftermath of a failed marriage tends to dredge up "what ifs," particularly at this time of year. Little regrets are easy to deal with.
But what about the big ones? They say that spouses who go through divorce often have second thoughts, especially those who do the leaving. Sometimes those second thoughts bring couples back together before it's too late, what's old becoming new again. This can be particularly true when couples part, become friends and work out their problems before getting back together. What happens though when the one who got away, the spouse you left, is no longer available?
When you come to your senses only to discover that your spouse has already united with someone new? What do you do with your regret then? Bestselling author and psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman was recently asked for his advice in just such a situation. The "left" spouse contacted him because his cheating wife suddenly had a change of heart and wanted him back. She had ditched the guy for whom she'd left her husband originally and, after talking, the ex-husband realized he was still in love with his ex-wife, too.
Only there was a problem: The ex-husband's "wonderful" new wife. Not so fast, Neuman told him, concerned that the pair might be headed for an even bigger fall. After all, the ex-wife had dismantled one marriage and with her ex's help was now trying to dismantle another one. And while he thought it was possible that the cheating wife had genuine regret for her actions, Neuman said the ex-husband should get counseling before making any hasty decisions. Indeed, what if the couple reunited only to separate again?
And how would that affect their children? In the final analysis, Neuman said: "Keep a safe distance from your ex and stay in the present: be a good spouse to the woman you're married to. It's called taking responsibility for what he did. My ex-wife and I had normal marriage issues and it was nothing that couldn't be overcome. I took the easy way out. I was unfaithful. It led to the break-up of our marriage. He and his lover ultimately broke up, but his ex-wife moved on to a stable new relationship.
He has a support group of spouses who have gone through what he has.Men who cheat on their wives and then leave the marriage cause a devastating ripple effect throughout the whole family. Most of us wonder if they ever regret it. When divorce happens — especially after infidelity, most men say they are not abandoning their family.
It creates a sense of uncertainty in so many ways. Whether our culture acknowledges it or not, the loss of a good, strong man in a family is destabilizing on many levels. But do guys regret divorce that they caused or the abandonment of their family and their responsibilities?
Family roles in our time have changed and are constantly in flux…and some change is good.
But deep down, I think many realize that having a good, strong, caring person who is there as the final defense in a family is reassuring and makes the family feel safe. It also helps children be more secure and optimistic and successful in life.
A strong, good primary family has a better chance of launching strong, confident children into the world. Do cheating husbands ever think about that? Do they regret the losses they create all around? Everything I am going to say is a generalization.
But I think men have an innate makeup that is different from women. We need good men. Women are better off when a good man is there supporting her as a woman and as a mother. Children are better off when a father helps set and enforce the rules of good behavior. Young men are better off with strong, positive, dependable male role models. Young women are better off with strong fathers to help them develop their own confident identity.
Our neighborhoods, churches and social groups need strong men supporting each other to do the right thing and be the right kind of person.
Life is usually better, easier and more secure for everyone when there are strong, good men involved. Do men who cheat and abandon their families regret not filling that important role in their family? In their society? Men taking responsibility to be that strong support for their family is less likely today.Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.
I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5 years and when I realised it wasn't working for me about a year ago, I officially moved out of our family home. My husband helped me move, supported me, told me to take all the time I need and he will be here waiting for me, we need each other, do better as a team and we'll get through it. My parents begged me to get counselling, make it work with him because they adore him, he is their son.
My mum tells me everyday I just didn't feel in love and disinterested, marriage is hard work and I felt exhausted. I constantly felt lonely with him doing shift work, I was tired begging him to help around the house and to make time for us, the intimacy was 3 years long gone but he loves me, I am his world, we had each other, he worked himself to the bone to ensure we had what we needed and wanted, I could say jump and he would say 'how high' I regret taking advantage of his kind heartedness and now realise he was probably depressed too.
I think we were too young, no idea how to communicate, motivate, encourage each other, maybe we should of grown together before getting married.
A few months ago, I met a new man and we moved in together. Everything has been bliss, he is everything I wanted in my husband. He always wants to make plans with me, weekends away, hiking, kayaking, he is someone who encourages me, I am doing better at work and I am loosing weight because I have confidence and motivation but he's not my husband who I have been missing a lot lately I feel confused and tired from constantly crying.
Do I just miss what is familiar? It is really hard emotionally to start a new relationship once you've been with someone else for so long.
Then to have all of the things that you wanted to happen with your husband now happen with your new partner would be bringing up a lot of reminders about your relationship. When did you start thinking about your husband all the time, before or after you met your new partner. Its been a year since you left your partner has anything happened between you and him in this year to make you think that you still want to be with him.
I just miss him, the stability, being his priority and world but I felt lonely with him never being home, and begging for things to be done and he made me feel so demotivated. We rarely talk but had lunch recently and I just cried the whole time thinking why, why cant he show some emotion, tell me I am beautiful, he will attempt to find a job that accommodates us.
He tried telling me we will get through it, move forward, don't look at the past etc but I haven't heard from him since. Its is also hard when he is still fully involved in my families life and they adore him. I would like to try and move on with my new partner but there is always traits of his I wish my ex had and visa versa.
I wonder why do I keep thinking about him and miss his love so much if deep down I know I wont be happy with my husband but its hard when we shared vows. He makes me feel so demotavited and he never tells me I'm beautiful. The stability of our relationship and being he's priority. Maybe your feeling a little scared that over time this relationship your starting now will be worse and you may be in the same situation you are now. Maybe counseling would be a good idea for yourself, get those confusions out on the table so to speak.
Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones. You are currently: Home Get support Online forums. Online forums Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile Complete your profile.I was married to a good man for about 5 years.
I was unfaithful to him a few times because I felt like something was missing. My Husband was stable and dependable, and a great provider. My Husband was pretty boring in that aspect. We have 2 children together. Anyways, I met this new guy who was everything Ive ever wanted in a man. After 2 years of having this affair, I found out I was pregnant with his child My husband was suspicious, so after the baby was born he dna tested it and found out it was his.
He kicked me out and divorced me soon after, so I moved in with the other man to make our new family work. However, I have been with the new man for 8 years and its a very rough relationship with both of us having trust issues. My ex husband has since moved on and got married to a woman 10 years younger than him who looks like a barbie doll and they have a 2 year old together now.
I feel old and discarded. My relationship now is terrible and I cant help but think I wouldve been happier with my ex had I sought out conseling with him. Any advice on how to move on healthily? That is an unrealistic and impossible expectation.
You chose the 20 percenter and now your miserable and want your husband back. He has moved on as he should have and is happy.When They Leave You For Someone Else - Advice
Leave hm alone! Now you know what it means when people say, "be careful what you wish for Yes, you've made mistakes, but don't fixate on regret. Concentrate on how you can make the best of your situation and have a better life. If you do, your chances of success are much greater than if you don't. You need to adjust to the life YOU chose for yourself. You sound very much like my ex wife.
She said "it isn't fun anymore". She then moved in with a succession of abusive losers. They ALL beat her. A couple of them put her in the hospital. She contracted a series of STDs. THEN she came to my house saying she had made a mistake and would like to come back.
Before I could even say anything, our kids said "that won't work". She adapted and died a few years later of uterine cancer. My advice would be for you, to tell all those bored housewives, to take care of what they have. You are on your own. It sounds like you are now with a man that suits your tastes better. The two of you are a good match. Everybody has regrets, some more than others.